


Hold Me Tighter

by karmy18



Category: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor - Fandom, Supergirl (TV 2015), lena luthor and kara danvers - Fandom, supercorp - Fandom
Genre: And love, F/F, Forever and Always, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, SuperCorp, and compassion, aspiring to be better, being there for one another, is there anything more someone could ask for?, strength through character, supergirl - Freeform, they both are people, trying to be who they need to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:20:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27344200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmy18/pseuds/karmy18
Summary: "People think that intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them and their response is, 'you're safe with me', that's intimacy."Taylor Jenkins ReidWhen the dust settles. When the world goes quiet. When the fight is over.This is the in between with Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 37
Kudos: 285





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter opens with a character having a panic attack and the other character trying to help them.

She talks through the door. “I know.”

Kara sits on the ground. Her back against the wood. She feels the chill of the tiles through the thin material of her pants.

Lena rests her hand on the door. She hasn’t tried to open it. She thinks it would be a futile effort. After all, she knew that Kara Danvers was Supergirl. If she wanted to have her privacy then that’s what she would give her. But she wanted her friend to know that she was there. Her voice is soft. Kara hears her all the same. “I’m here, Kara. I’m here.”

There’s a million things that could have been said between them. Lena thought about the conversations that they should have had but never did. There always seemed to be some sort of crisis to solve. 

Lena didn’t know what the most right thing was. She was trying her best. It was what Kara had done time and time again for her. This time it was not about creating some sort of technological tool to help save the day. The threat wasn’t alien. The human cost was not that of a city but that of one person. Kara Danvers.

Kara struggles to breathe.

Lena talks out loud. “When I’m having a panic attack I need to take deep breaths. It’s what gets me through.” She swallows hard. She gives it a voice. “My therapist taught me the four second trick. Breathe in for four seconds. Hold it for four seconds then breathe out for four seconds.”

She counts it out for Kara. She no longer hears her gasping and sputtering.

She keeps saying it until Kara unlocks the door.

Lena notices her red eyes first. Kara doesn’t meet her eyes. She’s looking at the ground. Her arms are limp at her side.

Lena sees her and her heart aches for her.

She puts her arms around the taller woman. It takes a half second before Kara responds in kind. She leans into Lena, nestling into the space between her neck and her shoulder.

It’s when she’s about to pull away doers she feel the slight shake.

Kara’s trying to stifle her own cries.

Lena rubs circles onto her back. The second time she tells her that she’s okay its like the dam breaks.

Lena shoulders Kara’s weight as the hero breaks in her arms.

She’s there for her. And she doesn’t feel the same nagging guilt that she had since the fallout of Kara’s secret. She didn’t know how to be there for the person who seemed to have everything. Hell Kara had a laundry list of super powers. She was beautiful. Lena was surprised every time she made time for her. There were a million things she could have been doing instead. That was even before she knew everything. She thought Kara was one of those rare people where it was impossible not to fall in love with them. Kara could have anyone. But she chose Lena and she kept choosing Lena even when it was hard, especially when it was hard.

Lena had received this SOS message from Kara on an otherwise boring Sunday afternoon.

It’s not that she had known what to expect. She had never received a message like that from Kara before. Coming to her apartment she wondered if Alex was out of town. She used the key Kara had given her months before. She told herself not to make a big deal about it. The few times she had used it she had gotten goosebumps. Today had been no different.

She doers’t know how long they stay like that. With Kara weeping in her arms. She doesn’t think of her as fragile or weak. In Lena’s eyes this makes her more resilient. She’s no less beautiful in her eyes. This was Kara. Not _her_ Kara but Kara Danvers her best friend. The woman she would and had moved the Earth for.

She didn’t have to say it to know it, she loved her. She didn’t know what she wouldn’t do for her.

She moves them to sit on Kara’s bed. It sags underneath them.

Kara sniffles.

Lena hands her a tissue from the box on the nightstand. Kara mumbles a thank you before she blows her nose. She wads the tissue up in her left hand.

She doesn’t say anything.

Lena doesn’t ask her if she’s all right. She knows she’s not. Maybe she was physically okay. But emotionally or mentally? Kara wasn’t okay nor fine. Lena wouldn’t ask her or expect her to be.

“Is there anything I can do?”

Kara still has her right arm around Lena. She holds her closer. She shakes her head no.

“Okay.”

It isn’t easy. Lena wishes she could just magic away whatever was plaguing Kara. That wasn’t how things worked. Like her therapist said, sometimes the hardest thing wasn’t necessarily acting on feelings but sitting with them once the storm had cleared. She had told Lena that perhaps that was one of the bravest things of all, feeling. It meant she was alive.

She tells her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Kara curls in on herself, trying to tuck herself into Lena.

When Kara recognizes Lena trying to pull back the comforter with one hand she breaks out of her reverie in order to help.

The blanket is pulled back. Lena lays on her back and opens her arms. Kara snuggles into her.

Lena hears a contended sigh from Kara when the blanket covers them both.

She tells herself that they’ve done this before. They’ve been this close. Kara was a naturally touchy-feely person. It had taken Lena by surprise at first but she had not only grown used to it but she seemed to crave it from Kara. She didn’t give those emotions a voice. But with Kara there with her it felt right and she felt safe. It wasn’t that Kara was Supergirl. It was that Lena was there with Kara, her favorite person. It wasn’t that Kara’s pain was to be hidden away. She would ask her later if she wanted to talk more about it. Kara was feeling. Lena saw her.

She feels Kara’s breathing even out.

Lena moves the stray hairs away from Kara’s face. They share the same pillow as Kara sleeps.

Lena watches over her. They’’re there together.

It’s peace and care and love.

There’s no other place Lena would rather be.


	2. Chapter 2

They don’t say it. Not yet.

Kara went out to grab coffee and an assortment of pastries when Lena went into the bathroom that morning.

She’s met with a smile and a sincere thank you when she hands over Lena’s fancy coffee ordered just how she liked it.

Lena stares at her over the lip of her cup, the steam swirling around her face.

Kara feels the question hanging in the air.

Lena doesn’t ask how she’s doing or if she’s okay. Kara’s intensely grateful for that. She also knows she needs to say something. It’s not that she needs to let Lena in, she wants to. It’s that Kara doesn’t know what the right words are.

Lena knows. Kara knows that Lena knows. It’s not something to be hidden.

“Does it happen often?”

Kara ducks her head. “I thought I had it under control.”

“It used to derail my days when I had panic attacks.”

Kara looks up into Lena’s eyes. She didn’t know.

She goes on. “That breathing technique, the four second one, it helped me once I told my therapist what was going on.”

She says it this time. “I didn’t know.”

“I never told you.”

Kara’s voice is quiet. “I guess there’s a lot of stuff we never talked about.”

Kara doesn’t mention work for either Lena or herself. She wonders if the bubble will burst once they are outside the confines of her apartment. She hadn’t even known if Lena would show up to her message in the first place. It was a gift of sorts.

She asks the question when she finished the last pastry, “Does that breathing thing you walked me through, does it always work?”

“If I focus, yeah. Sometimes it takes longer than others.”

“I’m sorry you have them too.”

“It’s human…” Lena’s voice trails off.

Kara blushes, her face and ears scarlet.

“For the longest time I didn’t know that they were panic attacks. I started having them when I lived in the manor with Lillian and Lex. I just hid, you know?

“It didn’t help me much in the long run. I only started doing something about them when they started to interfere with the rest of my life.” She takes a breath. “You were brave Kara when you reached out to me. I’m glad you did.”

Kara resents the tears welling in her eyes. She had thought she had cried herself out the day before. There was always more though.

Her words come out as a whisper. “I wish I was stronger than that.”

“What if reaching out made you stronger?”

“What do you mean?”

“Would you say the same thing to me? If I called you because I was struggling, would you think I was weak?”

“Of course not.”

“Then how is it any different of you?”

Kara stumbles, “I’m, I have superpowers. I’m not even human.”

“You are to me.”

“How are you being this cool?”

Lena shakes her head. She doesn’t know what the punch line is supposed to be. “You needed a friend Kara. I was that friend. And honestly, it means the world that you reached out to me.”

“It does?”

“Of course. It’s all I ever wanted. You have always been there for me. I want to show up for you too. It doesn’t always have to be about saving the world. Sometimes the hardest thing is just getting out of bed.”

Kara walks Lena out when the sun is high in the sky. She keeps messing with her glasses. Lena can tell she’s working up to saying something.

Kara hugs Lena. Her arms are wrapped around her tight. She can feel her heartbeat through the cotton of her shirt.

Kara speaks softly into Lena’s ear. “I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like you.”

Lena pulls back so that she can look at Kara’s face. She’s met with sincerity. It’s not the superhero she’s looking at. It’s her best friend.

“Thank you Lena, seriously.”

She could have said that Kara didn’t need to thank her. Instead, she nods. “I’m here.”

“I know and I’m grateful for you.”

The seconds drag out between them.

It’s not the same as it was yesterday.

She gives her one last hug before she leaves.

Kara watches her retreating form.

She wants it. She wants to be who she needs to be. She wants to see what it was that Lena saw. She didn’t think she deserved a friend like her. She was there and Kara would never and could never forget.

It had started with a message.

Lena was always more.


	3. Chapter 3

Kara had texted ahead and coordinated with Lena one Thursday night to bring her take out.

They sat on the couch in her office, the food spread out on the table before them.

Kara made herself a plate and dug in.

Lena takes a sip of water and looks at Kara, this woman before her.

Kara pauses. “Do I have something on my face?”

Lena shakes her head no.

The tips of Kara’s ears turn red. “What is it? Are you okay? Did I do something?”

She watches Kara put her food down.

“It’s not that. I was just thinking it was nice of you to come by with food.”

She says it as if its the easiest thing in the world. “Anything for you.”

The words don’t burn. But they have an affect all the same.

“I appreciate it.”

Kara tries to smile at her it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

Lena starts eating. Kara picks up her plate but she’s slow to resume. “This isn’t because of the other week is it? I didn’t mean to overstep when I asked you to come over.”

“No. It’s not that at all.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

Kara clenches her jaw before taking a deep breath. “The last thing I want to do is drive a wedge between us again.”

“I know.”

“Your friendship, it means more than I can say.”

Now Lena is the one who is blushing.

“It’s all right Kara. We’re good.”

She checks. “Would you tell me if it wasn’t?”

“You would know.”

“Good. And Lena?”

“Yeah?”

“I want this. I’m going to keep trying unless you tell me not to.”

Lena doesn’t know what to do with Kara’s words. She nods in response.

Kara wanted to try. She was trying. And really that meant more than anything else. This was the truth.

Lena hugs her tight that night when they go there separate ways. It’s as if Kara can read her mind. “I’ll see you soon?”

She wants to ask Kara back to her place. She doesn’t want to see her walk away. The easy answer would just be to stay in each others presence.

Those are not the words which come from her lips. “Of course.”

It’s like that, a strange volley back and forth between them. It’s not that the floodgates are thrown wide open. There is a sense of control prevailing over the situation.

Lena isn’t riding the same wave she was when she first met Kara. It’s what made finding out about Kara’s secret all the more difficult. She wanted Kara to be _her_ Kara. She had seemingly drawn this box around her. She thought she had known her.

It’s what had made it hurt. Kara wasn’t someone she could just get out of her head. She had taken up a permanent residence there no matter how much Lena loved or hated her. She was there all the same.

She didn’t say it. She couldn’t really.

Lena wanted Kara, she always had. Even when she hated her she had wanted her. She had thought it would be easier if she could just let her go. That wasn’t something she was capable of. Kara Danvers was apart of her.

Kara didn’t know. She would never have asked or even expected that of another person. She always thought that Lena must have other people in her life. That she could see anyone she wanted. That she must have a long list of possible suitors on top of it all. She was surprised that Lena made time for her and then kept making time from her. Kara had wondered that once Lena had learned about her being Supergirl if it would be an unrepairable schism between them.

It was and it wasn’t. They couldn’t go back to how it was between them. They tried but it felt worse the harder that they did.

They had to forge something new.

Lena knew Kara Danvers. Kara had to show her the pieces of herself she had hidden away. She wanted to give Lena the full picture. She wouldn't know if she would like what she saw. Kara didn’t. She wondered about the person looking back in the mirror and the person who everyone else saw. Kara was so many people, she was juggling her various personalities and duties. Her number one priority was supposed to be to take care. She needed to take care of others. Her heart was full to bursting with compassion. That didn’t mean she extended that kindness to herself.

Lena and Kara held a sort of mirror up to the other. Kara no longer had to pretend and had given herself the permission to be her whole self around Lena. She understood that Lena didn’t and would never ask her to be perfect. She simply asked her to be. She knew Kara was alien but she expected her to be human. It was a gift that others in Kara’s life didn’t afford her. It wasn’t some sort of conscious choice. Lena was used to being looked at but not seen.

It’s what they both gave each other.

It was more than a chance. It was an opportunity. This time it didn’t have to be the same.

Lena mentions it one morning over coffee. “I like this. I didn’t know if we would get here.”

Kara looks to the woman across the table. Lena sees the question in Kara’s face. She doesn’t know where Lena is trying to lead them.

“When we weren’t talking, when we weren’t friends, after I learned about you, I mean. I still thought about you. It’s not even that I wanted to. But I couldn’t help it. I was so mad at you. I was furious with myself because I had let you in and you were such a part of my life.”

Kara blinks once then twice. She pinches herself to make sure that she’s awake.

“I know we are finding our way back. It’s not the same as it was but I think that’s important. It can’t be how it was. We can’t go back.”

“Is that a bad or a good thing?”

“It just is. I don’t know how to do this anymore than I know how to have a healthy loving relationship. I got your message that day and I came to your apartment.

“I used that key you had given me months prior. I didn’t know if I would ever use it again. There were days that I had resented myself for holding onto it.

“You let me be there Kara.”

She thinks back to Lena talking to her through the door of her bathroom. She still chased after that feeling of Lena holding her in her arms. There wasn’t the same questions as everything else in her life. Lena wasn’t and didn’t ask anything in return.

Kara didn’t want to be stronger for Lena in the sense that she could lift more cars or run faster than Barry. She wanted to be stronger as in better. She wanted to be the type of person Lena could be proud of or maybe one day even love. Kara wasn’t sure it was a possibility. That had never stopped her before.

“I think I’ve finally been seeing you.”

“Really?”

“You showed me pieces before everything but I think you actually started showing me all of yourself even if you didn’t realize it. I know it’s not a small thing. If it’s anything like it was for me to open up I now then it’s one of the strongest things you could do.”

She clears her throat. “I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you. It’s what I always wanted.”

Kara brushes the tears from her eyes. She could ask what had brought all of this on. She chooses not to. She wants to save this moment encapsulated two of them. But more than anything she wanted to live in it with her favorite person, Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone who has loved another person...  
> Haven't you ever wished for just that one more chance? This story is that slow build in a way for Kara and Lena. Now with everything out between them they can both be themselves. In a way they have to build it all back. But what makes it all the more different and special is that now there are no more barriers between them. They see each other. And in life is there a greater gift than that?


	4. Chapter 4

Kara hands Lena a mug of hot chocolate topped with a ridiculously perfect swirl of whip cream. Lena thanks her. “I think I should probably tell you I’m feeling prickly.”

Kara’s eyebrows go up in a question.

Lena can’t help but hunch her shoulders. “I had therapy earlier today.”

She’s met with kindness. “Okay. I can leave if you want me to.”

“I don’t want you to, leave that is. I just thought you should know. Sometimes I feel jaggedy after a session. It’s like my edges aren’t rounded off or sanded down.”

“You don’t have to be perfect with me.”

“I know.” Lena shakes her head. “I wanted you to know in case I said or did the wrong thing.”

“Well, thank you for telling me. I appreciate the heads up.”

Lena squints at her. She watches her chew on an oversized marshmallow. Kara’s not making a thing of it so she thinks she shouldn’t make a thing about it. Something still feels a bit off to her. “Did you want to ask me something?”

Kara swallows. She’s struggling to follow along. “Do you want me too?”

“I, just,” she hesitates. “I’m glad you’re here.”

She gives her the extra second. Lena finds herself talking more. “I’m not good at reaching out. It’s important to me that you know.”

Kara fixes her glasses. She never realizes how she holds Lena’s attention. “I’m not going to ask you what you talked about with your therapist Lena. I’ll always be here to talk to. But I understand that healthy relationships have boundaries.”

“You mean you’re not curious?”

“I will listen to whatever you want to tell me Lena. I’ve overstepped so many times in the past. I’m trying to be better about that. I want to give you that. I should have done it before anyway.”

Lena’s hands have a vice like grip on her no longer hot drink. “I think I want to talk to you about what I talked about. If that’s okay with you?”

For the first time since the conversation started Kara smiles and it’s a true smile. “Of course.”

The words spill from Lena’s lips.

*****

“You don’t have to prove anything to me Kara.”

She doesn’t believe her fully.

“All I ask is that you be honest with me.”

The moment between them is fraught. Neither Lena nor Kara know what the right thing was to say. With everything that existed between them, everything felt laced in meaning.

Kara doesn’t know how to decipher the emotions splayed across Lena’s face alongside the words she had spoken. The last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt Lena. It was never intentional. Saying it wasn’t enough. Sometimes she wonders of the million things that it could be what it was exactly. Lena was the smartest person she had ever met. Her mind worked faster than anyone else she knew and that included Winn and Alex. She wanted to get it right for her. She didn’t know the way ahead but she wanted to be the person who forged ahead.

Kara struggled to make actual words.

Lena continued doing what she was doing in the first place. She gets her inbox into what she thinks is manageable shape. Even though she knows that when she refreshes it tomorrow morning it will be flooded with fresh problems to work out. She shuts down her work laptop and puts it away in her work bag.

“I hope one day you’ll believe what I said.”

She finds Kara waiting for her. The concern is still present. It’s not something she can fix in one fell swoop.

It was never one and done. She told herself that relationship took work. Perfection was never a reality, striving to that was only further detrimental. It’s not that she was mad at Kara. She wants this woman, her favorite person, to believe her. No one could do it all by themselves. Lord knows she had tried.

Lena wants to do it together. She’s loved Kara long before she knew how. Giving up on her was never an option. It was a conversation. They’d keep working on it. That’s how relationships went. Lena loved Kara. She knew that Kara loved her back in a way. It wasn’t that Lena thought they harbored the same type of love for one another. But it wasn’t a sacrifice. She loved Kara fiercely and entirely. Kara was her hero. She meant what she said. To her, Kara had nothing to prove. All Lena wanted was for Kara to be herself.

Lena had turned off the lights minutes prior. Neither Lena nor Kara have fallen asleep yet. They’re both laying down staring at the ceiling when Kara says it, “I’m sorry if before I gave you the wrong pieces of me.”

Lena doesn’t need a guide to see where Kara is leading her.

“I know I said it before, that I wanted to tell you. I wanted to show you all of myself. I just couldn’t get the words to make sense.

“You were the only person who saw me as Kara, not Kara Zor-El nor Supergirl. You let me be myself no questions asked. You were the only one after all. You looked at me and you saw me.

“Jeopardizing that, I know it was selfish and it was cruel. I just didn’t, I couldn’t. I’ve already lost so much in my life. I didn’t want a life where I lost you too.”

In the darkness Lena searches for Kara’s hand.

Kara lets out a sigh as Lena intertwines there fingers and gives her hand a squeeze.

“You didn’t lose me.”

“I can’t tell you how grateful I am for you.”

“Kara?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m here for you even if I’m angry or were not talking. I’ll always be here for you like I know you’ll always be there for me.”

Kara’s voice shakes. “You promise?”

“I promise.”

It’s not that the words function by themselves in a void. It’s that there are actions to back them up. They had both proven that they were there for each other, in the good and the bad. Sure they had the capacity to frustrate or make the other sad. But that didn’t negate or bring down the whole of their relationship. People could get mad at the other. But that didn’t mean that everything was simply over. They were there.

They find each other.

Kara hears her say it once more. “I promise.”


	5. Chapter 5

“How come I’ve never seen you get mad?”

Kara looks up. “What?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever see you get truly mad. Annoyed, sure. Frustrated, most definitely. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get angry.”

Kara’s face is blank. Lena can see her thinking.

“Kara?”

Lena touches her arm. It seems to pull Kara back into the moment.

“You were just somewhere else.”

Kara shrugs.

Lena can’t help but be both concerned and curious. She’s not sure if she should push or not.

Kara decides for her. “Anger isn’t easy for me.”

Lena listens.

“I don’t want to give in to it. Supergirl can get angry. She has to fight over and over again. Kara Danvers? That’s a different story.”

The duality of Kara’s identity rings through the conversation.

Kara looks down at the ground. “I’m afraid that if I get mad I’d never stop.”

She didn’t want to give in to that. Anger bubbled within her all the time. She wanted to be better and above that.

“I don’t want to lose myself in it. A person could drown in it.”

Lena’s question is gentle. “You mean you could drown in it?”

“Yeah.” Kara sighs. “That’s not who I want to be.”

Lena is about to assure her when Kara speaks further. “I have lost so much Lena. Fighting comes naturally. Sometimes when I know I’m losing against one alien or another I just think about it. That anger serves as a fuel source.

“I guess it must sound dumb. I don’t want to feel that way if I can. To me, anger is consuming. It blots the rest of my life out. When I see red it doesn’t help anyone.”

Lena had mentioned the anger thing offhandedly. She didn’t mean to make a thing out of it. She had realized that of all the time she spent with Kara Danvers the one emotion that never seemed to make itself known was raw anger. There was a reason. She should and could have guessed. She had not thought it through when she had brought it up to Kara.

She waves off an apology. “There’s no way you could have known. It’s just not how I want to feel. I don’t want to relish in the pain. I would languish if I did. I want to be more than that, the sum of all the things I’ve been through. There has to be a purpose to the pain. It’s not about the anger. It’s about being better and doing better.”

“You make it sound easy.”

“We both know it’s not.”

Lena agrees.

“Maybe for me its just one of those things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I make a conscious effort. How else am I going to get out of bed in the morning. If I think about it or give in to it,. it would crush me even with my strength. Just because I’ve suffered doesn’t mean that that’s everything about me. I can’t shut the pain away. The same goes for anger. There are so few things I can do with it. It’s an emotion. Even if we can’t control how we feel can we choose how to act?”

Kara’s not looking for a response to her question. She herself knows the answer. There’s a point to her question.

“I promised myself Lena.”

“What do you mean?”

A tear escapes. “I chose not to drown in it. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. Some days are harder than others. You know that. You’ve seen me. Just because I’m suffering doesn’t mean anyone else should have to. That goes along with being angry. It’s not a productive emotion. I want to use it, my experiences, my pain. It has to be for more. I promised myself that.”

“I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“There’s no need to apologize.”

Lena tries once more.

“Seriously, it’s not a big deal. It’s not your fault. I guess it constitutes a truth of mine. I always have some of that anger within me. I try not to show it. It’s one of the last things that I want to be. I don’t want people to see me and that’s all that they see. Can’t we be more than that?”

Lena sees the muscle in Kara’s cheek flutter. “Sure.”

Her voice sounds hollow. “We all deserve more than that.”

Kara’s chewing on the last bit of crust when Alex turns down the volume on the tv.

She tests her sister. “Lena must be sleeping over here often.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You have two towels hanging in your bathroom.”

“So?”

“They’re the ridiculously fancy ones that I know neither you or I could afford. Not to mention I can smell her perfume.”

Kara doesn’t say anything. She’s hoping that Alex won’t push.

She does. “What’s going on between you two?”

Kara stutters, “She’s, she’s my friend Alex.”

Alex elongates the word. “Friend?”

She doesn’t meet her sisters eyes. “We’re back to where we were. Or I don’t know, it’s not that we made it back. I think we are someplace else now. Would you believe me if I said that we made it?”

Kara keeps going. “It’s not that we’re together. We’re not dating. I promise.”

Alex hadn’t said anything of the sort. All she had done was bring up Lena. She hadn’t expected Kara to wax poetically about her. Alex could tell, Kara was in deep.

She steps into the shoes of being Kara’s big sister. “What do you think is going on?”

“I don’t know Alex.”

Somehow it’s not a question. “She’s sleeping in your bed.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything. Friends can share a bed.”

“Friends, right. We both know how that goes.” Alex tries to leave her sarcasm behind. “You care about her?”

Kara technically cared about everyone. Alex knew this. She had to approach the conversation from a certain angle. Caring was Kara’s thing. She had a certain and rare capacity to love. Alex swore that was where Kara’s super powers stemmed from.

Kara’s eyes are watery as she looks at Alex. “I don’t know how not to.”

She draws out the question. “Lena is…”

“She’s everything Alex. I hurt her before and I never want to do that again. She’s just, she’s so good in a way that’s pure. I know we all have had our differences. But if you saw her the way I saw her I know you would understand.” She takes a breath. “Lena is special. I know that everyone is special. But Lena’s the best type of special, she’s intelligent, kind, caring. She’s not just someone. She’s _Lena_.”

Alex hears her. Kara had not said the exact words that she loved Lena. But she did not have to in order for Alex to see it clear as day. It was as Kara said Lena wasn’t a someone. To Kara, Lena was everything.

They are the first two to get to the bar. Alex asks her after they both have their drinks. “Haven’t you ever loved someone?”

Lena knows Alex is watching her response. She’s not done. “Then that’s how I know.”

She doesn’t know why Kara’s sister is talking to her in half fortune cookie and half horoscope.

“Alex why don’t you just tell me what you want to tell me.”

Alex looks around the bar. She takes a swig of her beer. “I know my sister. The way she is with you,”

She takes an audible breath. “She’s different with you. She loves you, you realize that don’t you?”

Lena feels the blood rush to her brain. She’s thinking through every scenario Alex could mean that Kara loved her.

“She loves you in a way I’ve never seen before.”

Lena’s eyes go wide.

Alex puts her beer down. She idly plays with the label. “You had to know. She looks at you…”

“She looks at me how?”

She’s already in too deep. “The way Kara looks at you is like you’re the only person in the room. It’s almost like the only person she can see is you.”

Lena doesn’t detect anger from the older Danvers sister.

“It’s obvious.”

Lena can’t help but scoff.

“You’re in it otherwise you would be able to see it.”

“I would, wouldn’t I?”

Alex says it matter of factly. “You love her too. Otherwise, this wouldn’t have been a surprise. You’re both blind for each other.”

The room shifts as Kara finds them. She tucks herself into Lena’s side. She whispers into her ear asking her if she’s okay. Lena manages a nod.

Kara smiles at her sister. “Next round is on me?”

“I won’t say no to that.”

Kara puts a kiss to the crown of Lena’s head before walking to the bar.

Alex is smug when Lena looks to her.

“You’ll see it one day.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You love her Lena. She loves you too, even if she hasn’t said anything. I know my sister. Kara loves with her whole heart. And she loves you too.”

Kara practically juggles the drinks as she carries them back to the table where Lena and Alex sat.

Kelly makes her way a few minutes later. They’re eventually joined by Nia to complete their girl gang.

Kara doesn’t stray from Lena’s side. She can’t get Alex’s words out of her brain. _She loves you. You love her too._

Alex Danvers wasn’t wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting there folks! Kara and Lena are getting there. Slow burn all the way. Have no fear the words will come (fingers crossed).  
> As always thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

Lena finds Alex in the labs of the DEO days later.

“Why did you tell me before girls night?”

Alex takes off her gloves placing them on the metal table.

Lena has to remind herself not to shake her foot. She stands to her full height.

Alex Danvers didn’t back down. It wasn’t part of her nature. There was no fight too big for her.

“What right do you have just saying that to me?”

“Someone had to say something.”

She doesn’t have the opportunity to pick apart her statement.

“You guys have had this dance going on for years now.”

“Excuse me?”

“We’ve been watching you guys for years. You’re not just some friend to Kara, Lena. You’ve always been more. When we were all skeptical because of your name. Kara swore up and down on your honor and your ability. She never wavered. You weren’t just some person to her. Pick any moment and she would have done anything to help you. Do you know how many rules she’s broken when it comes to saving you? You went from being the exception to the rule to being the rule itself. Kara would stop at nothing for you. She only does that for those that she loves.”

“She would do the same for you.”

“Sure. But I’m her sister. You are Lena.”

“So?”

“All I’m saying is that she would chose you. If that’s what you wanted. I think that you do. She’d be there for you. She’s always caught you, hasn’t she?”

Her answer is yes.

“We all need a nudge once in a while. Look for yourself Lena. You’re a smart woman. You’re not just someone to Kara. You never will be. When my sister cares for someone she always cares for them. I don’t know what she wouldn’t do for you.”

Lena doesn’t have a response. It’s not for Alex. She’s not the audience. She’s also Kara’s sister. She manages to give Alex a nod before getting to work on the computer next to her. After all, Lena asked herself what were the right words. 

“I started therapy.”

Lena tries not to be too excited. “You did?”

Kara nods.

“I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks.”

“Really, Kara.”

“I had a few false starts. My therapist, she was the fourth person I talked to.”

“Not everyone is the right fit.”

“You could say that again.”

The conversation could end there. Lena wants to give her one more thing. “I’m really proud and happy for you Kara. I know therapy is a big thing. It’s a step in the right direction.”

Kara adds. “I’m trying.”

“That’s always going to be enough. I promise.”

There’s hope shining in Kara’s eyes.

Lena thinks that she’s beautiful.

Kara makes a joke about a meme she had sent Lena earlier in the day. They move on from one conversation to the next.

Lena says it when they’re both falling asleep that night. “Thank you for telling me Kara.”

She knows what Lena’s talking about. In a certain way it could only be about one thing. She holds Lena closer. Lena burrows into Kara and her body which radiates heat. She tucks her face into the space between her neck and shoulder. This is where she felt like she was home.

Lena’s sure.

She is sure that she loves Kara Danvers.

She, Lena Luthor was in love with Kara Danvers.

It was so far beyond a crush that Lena laughed at her previous self who thought that it would fade away.

It did anything but fade. It grew brighter and more brilliant. It nearly blinded her when she found out Kara’s secret. Kara had hid who she was from her. Lena wondered what it was that scared Kara the most. She felt that something she had done had pushed Kara into making that series of decisions. She didn’t know who Kara saw in her.

They weren’t those same people anymore.

Kara wasn’t a bumbling rookie reporter. She didn’t have to stand alongside Clark Kent. She stood by herself.

Lena had lost along the way. But she had also grown. Experience made her richer. It wasn’t that National City had been kind to her. But she could say with conviction that she lived her. She had a life. It was one that she was proud of. She had built it herself with her own two hands. Maybe it was small but to her it fit just right. It’s what she had always been looking for but was too afraid to ask for.

Kara was the center of that.

She had something to lose with Kara in her life. It wasn’t a matter of dollar bills or decimals. It was the weight of being a person and having emotions.

It wasn’t that she knew right away. It was that by the time she did she couldn’t think or pay her way out of it. There was no mistake. These big feelings she felt for Kara, they were love. The love that knew no bunds. The love that shined bright. The love that a person can’t look past or over. Once she saw it she couldn’t unsee it. It was the truth. She loved Kara. In a way she always had. But now? Now it was the one thing she saw whenever she thought about the person she held so dear to her.

Lena was no damsel in distress. All tides were pushing her towards Kara. The point wasn’t to fight it. Lena loved her. She didn’t know how to love nor did she know how to own this feelings. But there was no turning back. Whatever this was, Lena was in it and she wasn’t going to be abler to simply let go. This type of love was too immense for something as reductive as a person turning their back.

Her love for Kara was a real thing just as she was a living person with a heart beat. Her heart told her. Kara was her person. She loved her in the ways that she could.

“What was it you wanted to tell me?”

Kara’s looking at Lena. She looks up into her eyes. Her mouth goes dry. She wants to tell Kara how much she means to her. That whatever it was between them it didn’t have to be conventional. She felt so goddamn much for this woman before her.

They stare at each other.

Lena wonders where her courage disappeared to. She was a genius who happened to be in love with her best friend. The two seemed to cancel each other out. Her eloquence was seemingly checked at the door when she saw Kara.

She sees her mouth as she hears her say her name. “Lena?”

She feels her demons surrounding her. They tell her all the thing she is not. Lena can’t reconcile those versions of herself with one that Kara could possibly feel the same for.

Of all the things in her life she had never learned how to love. Lillian had taught her how to be cold and perfectly polite. Lex had been the only one to bring out her playful side. That stopped as he descended into madness. She had tried to put her feelings in boxes. She had crafted her life insuch a way.

Kara did not fit into a box. She knew no bounds. That’s what made Kara so different than everyone else in Lena’s life. It wasn’t about her super powers. What made Kara super was her compassion and her commitment in seeing the good within people. It wasn’t something that could be taught. Lena never expected to find it either. It was never that Kara was perfect. Perfection was an impossibility for all beings.

Lena told herself that all she had to do was try.

Kara smiles at her gently.

The words don’t come.

“Did you want to try the new bistro uptown?”

It takes a second before Kara nods.

Lena tells her that she’ll get a reservation for next weekend.

She goes onto the next subject. She doesn’t so much blather as fill in the space with words. It’s anything but what she intended to say. She wonders if Kara can tell and that’s why she lets her get away with it. She keeps speaking and part of her brain wonders if she should be grateful or not.

It becomes some sort of question. Lena knew where she stood. She loved Kara. It wasn’t like she could lie to herself still. Was she supposed to tell Kara? She didn’t know how to say it. The words were more then the sum of its letters. Her love for Kara spanned so much more than four letters. The world simply didn’t hold what she felt.

But she asked herself what was there to gain. What was she hoping to do by telling her. It wasn’t about being worth it. Eachmoment she had with Kara was worth it.

It was crossing the threshold. What would it do to their relationship? Lena couldn’t see beyond the bend. It wasn’t that Kara was going to write her out of her life because Lena had feelings for her. They weren’t teenagers and this wasn’t a first love. They were adults. At a certain point cutting someone out of your life stopped being the easy answer.

She asked herself what was it she would be putting on the line. It would be sharing her truth. The one she couldn’t ignore. It seemed to only grow within her. It was unavoidable in a sense. No it wasn’t an iceberg. She wasn’t going to crash in the middle of the night. That’s not what she had with Kara.

There were no absolutes. Lena couldn’t draw Kara in black and white. She was all the colors. It was a spectrum. She didn’t put her bets down.

At the end of the day Lena knows that Kara would want her to be honest with her. They had both agreed to that after everything that happened between them. If it was Kara having feelings for her she wouldn't want her to hold it within her. She would hope that she would tell her. So why was this different? How could this be different? She wasn’t suffering from it. It was that she didn’t know what the absolute right thing was. Her heart was saying one thing while her brain struggled to keep up. Logic didn’t quite have the same role here as it did in the rest of Lena’s life.

What she knew was how she felt. She loved Kara. The story began and ended there.


	7. Chapter 7

“Who would want to marry me anyways?”

“Lena.”

She’s already moved onto the next thing.

Kara calls her back, “Lena, is that really how you feel?”

Her expression falters. It’s an answer in of itself.

Kara doesn’t realize how loud she’s speaking, she needs Lena to hear her. “Anyone would be lucky to have you as a wife. Whoever that person is they would be damn lucky.”

“Kara you don’t have to say that.”

“It’s the truth. Even if you don’t see it. I see it. And whoever gets to marry you will be the luckiest person in the world. I want you to know that. I need you to.

Lena feels the tears in her own eyes. It was never what she expected. She had said it off hand. She hadn’t intended for it to lead to a conversation between the two of them. It was something that Lena had held as one of her truths.

Kara’s has her eyes locked on her. Lena can feel her rapt attention. It’s not the same as a spotlight. It doesn’t have the same glare or brightness that makes her want to squint her eyes. It’s so distinctly Kara. It’s filled with kindness and warmth. She’s spilling over with earnestness whether she realizes it or not.

Lena wants to ask why she cares so much or how she’s so sure. It was like Kara had proclaimed for everyone to hear that Lena would find a wife and that whomever it would be would be lucky to have her. She didn’t say aloud how she felt like she was always a second choice. She didn’t want to trap someone into being stuck with her. Lena thought she would have to buy herself into a marriage if she were to get married at all. She didn’t know of a person who would chose her in the first place. Kara was sure for her.

“I mean it Lena. Even if you don’t think you deserve it. I know you do.”

Lena swallows over the lump in her throat. It hurt but it wasn’t in a painful way. It hurt in a way she didn’t know was possible. She felt her heart growing somehow larger for the woman before her. She wished she could see what she saw. Lena was a person yet Kara saw the world in her.

“I get it, that’s what I’m trying to say.”

Kara stops and starts. She’s angry on Lena’s behalf. She forces herself to keep going. “I get it what it’s like to hide parts of yourself away. That if someone were to get to know all of you then they would hurt you. It could be rejection or it could just be the fact that they saw the whole truth.

“I don’t want to get it. But I get it. It’s that same sinking feeling when its dark and you can’t fall asleep. So you’re looking up at the ceiling trying to think about anything other than how alone you feel. It’s as if the darkness never ends.

“There’s so much pain in the world. There’s loss and suffering. People can be so utterly cruel. It’s not like either of us have gotten the best hands. Everything is so jumbled up. But our paths crossed Lena. Maybe they are even interwoven now. And I wouldn’t give that up for even a second.

“You have to trust me when I say that I know. Maybe it’s not exactly the same as what you’re feeling. But I get it. That feeling that no one could love you if they truly knew you. I think that the foundational pieces of who I am are the broken pieces. And who could love them? Who could love that? I wouldn’t choose myself if I had the choice. How could I ask someone else to?

“What I’m trying to say is that I get it what you’re saying and where you’re coming from. That out of everything to happen in the universe what could happen to bring two people together. I believe in you. I believe that you deserve love of the best kind. I know it’s out there even after everything that’s happened, maybe even in spite of it all.

“It’s not nothing. And I wish you only the best. Whoever gets to call you their wife is a lucky person. I hope they know that. I think they will though. Because anyone would be the luckiest person to be married to you.”

Lena’s speechless.

Kara rubs her hand up and down her arm.

A silence fills the space between them and grows every second a word isn’t spoken.

They both start at the same time and stop. They gesture for the other person to go.

Kara tries. “I practically just word vomited at you, you can go.”

Lena puts her hand through her hair.

The words make it out without her permission. “I hope one day I see what it is that you see in me.”

Kara’s confident. “I’ll keep saying it.”

“And Kara?”

“Yeah?”

Lena wants to thank her for her words. She wants her to understand just what they mean to her. She’s sure that she will never forget them. That of all the things she’s been through in her life. This doesn’t fix the past. But it heals her. The words mean something to her. “Thank you.”

Kara smiles at her and puts an arm around her shoulders.

They have this.

Lena wanted a future with the woman beside her.


	8. Chapter 8

Lena knows that she has to tell Kara. It’s past due.

It wasn’t for lack of trying.

There were the moments where she pleaded with herself to say it, just say it. But no words ever managed to come out.

It was like an internal war with herself. She looked at Kara and she saw so much more than a person. She saw someone who meant the world to her. Kara was her person. There wasn’t a way of going back. She had made it but she didn’t know if they had made it.

She asked herself what there was to lose if she told Kara how she felt. That her feelings ran deep. That the love she felt was far beyond platonic. She wanted a future with her. That future could take shape in whatever way but she wanted and needed to tell her how she felt.

Lena didn’t know what happened next. She couldn’t predict how Kara would react or what would happen to their relationship. It couldn’t stay the same. Change was inevitable. That would happen whether or not she told her. But that variable stuck out in her mind.

Kara would occasionally ask her what was on her mind. Lena thought that she could tell in a way. Like how Lena should have been able to tell that Kara was also Supergirl. The clues were strewn about. Eye contact and hugs that always lingered a second longer than normal. How her heart sped up whenever she saw Kara in a room. The fact that she always wanted to be with Kara. It felt so painfully obvious to Lena.

But she didn’t know. She craved control. She was wary of jumping into the unknown. She didn’t know how deep the waters were. Would she crash or would she find her footing?

Love didn’t play by the same rules. It didn’t make it any less real.

Lena knew. She had to do something. She couldn’t keep living with it in perpetuity. She kept finding herself somehow swooning for Kara more not less.

There came a point. Lena wanted to carve it out herself. She knew that it would come one way or another. It would either be at her doing or she would fall face first into a situation. Every time she didn’t say it to Kara the closer the moment got. There was only so many chances.

Lena couldn’t say what scared her the most. Kara wouldn’t hate her. She wouldn’t drop her from her life. But what if she looked at Lena differently. What if she wasn’t comfortable with the close proximity they seemed to be sharing. Lena asked herself was it better to have loved and lost or to have not loved at all. The question wasn’t right. That wasn’t her situation. Lena loved. Having Kara in her life was not a loss it was a gain in any and all capacities. She made Lena better. Kara would swear that Lena did the same for her.

So what was there to lose?

Lena felt like it was everything. She had constructed her life so carefully. She had made choice after choice. And now? Now, she had to act. Her love for Kara was more. It always was.

Lena picks up her phone. “Alex?”

“Lena, have you seen Kara today?”

She thinks through her day. She hadn’t heard from Kara since she received a good morning text. “No?”

“We think something may have happened,”

Kara lands on Lena’s balcony.

Alex is still speaking through Lena’s phone, “She needs to come to the DEO, we think she might have adverse reactions to a chemical she was exposed to.”

“Alex, I have to go.”

Alex yells into her line of the phone as Lena hangs up.

Kara watches her through the glass panel separating them.

Lena unlocks the door and joins her on the balcony.

Kara’s face is off. Lena can’t see any bruises or broken blood vessels. But it’s like it’s not the Kara she knows looking back at her.

A vein in Kara’s cheek pulses red.

“Hey.”

Kara practically looks through her. “I needed to come here.”

Lena wonders how soon it will be before Alex and whatever makeshift DEO team converge. “Is that so?”

Kara puts a hand on her hip. She exudes strength.

“The world is so god damn loud.” Her eyes meet Lena’s. “You became my safe space.”

Her words hit her in her chest. She stops herself from staggering backwards.

“I had sworn that the last thing I would get on this Earth was another chance. Everything I touch has a way of turning to dust. I can’t do it. I can’t even keep myself safe.

“Yet here you are, Lena Luthor.”

Lena doesn’t say a word.

“You know, I love you.”

“Excuse me?”

Kara’s voice is sure. “You heard me. I love you. I have loved you for a long time. I didn’t even have the strength to tell you. What does that say about me? I’d do anything you asked of me. I have all these powers, and what? I didn’t even have the courage to tell the person I’m closest to the truth all over again.”

Lena breathes in through her nose.

“I didn’t think it was possible. I thought I was too broken to ever feel that way. I didn’t want to place that burden upon you.”

“So why did you?”

She makes it sound simple. “Because I love you.”

It’s then that Alex and her brigade swarm through Lena’s apartment. Kara’s eyes narrow. Lena can see her thinking through her options.

Alex voice is strained. “Supergirl, you’ve been exposed to a dangerous chemical. You’re not yourself.”

Kara rolls her eyes.

“Come with us back to the DEO.”

Her tone is sardonic. “I don’t have a choice, do I?”

Alex hesitates before regaining her composure. “Let us help you.”

Kara lets the moment drag out before complying.

She gives Lena the last words, “I meant it, what I said.”

Lena waits hours before going to the DEO.

She finds Alex. “How’s Kara?”

“She went home after we gave her the antidote.”

“What?”

“She didn’t text you?”

“No.”

The women look at each other.

“What did she say to you?”

Lena looks around. “Is there somewhere more private we can talk?”

“Of course.”

Alex shepherds them to an empty conference room.

“Was it red kryptonite?”

“It was something synthetic. It seems to be like red kryptonite. But Kara didn’t show the same type of aggression that she did the last time she was poisoned with red kryptonite.”

“Last time?”

Alex gestures with her hand. “It’s a long story.” She circles back. “What did she say to you?”

Lena doesn’t answer Alex right away.

“When Kara saw me last time, she said some really hurtful things. Whatever this stuff does to her it brings all the things she has felt and buried deep down right to the surface.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I guess I knew Kara felt a certain way but it still felt like a a sucker punch.”

“She didn’t say anything like that to me.”

Alex knows better than to push. She gave her sister and Lena a modicum of privacy.

“Is there anything I need to know about what she said?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Do you want me to punch her for you.”

“No.”

Alex can sense the turmoil bubbling within Lena. She wasn’t hiding her emotions well that afternoon. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“You could go to see her if you want. I bet she’d appreciate it.”

She wasn’t sure she was ready. “I’ll go over there.”

They are both on there feet. Alex speaks just before she opens the door out to the hallway. “She’s lucky to have you in her life.”

Lena wants her to be right.

“Let me know if she needs anything.”

“Okay.”

“Lena?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for taking care of her.”

“Always.”

Lena doesn’t use her key. Her hand forms a fist, it hovers a few inches away from Kara’s door.

She knocks once then a second time producing a reverberating sound.

She shifts her weight from one foot to the other.

She exhales before knocking once more.

Kara’s home. Alex had said so. There wasn’t a place for her to be, not after she was exposed to something like kryptonite.

She doesn’t get a response.

There’s no going back.

She reaches for the key Kara gave her. Her arm feels heavy as she puts the key into the deadbolt lock. The noise of the unlocking rings out. It surprises her. She stands there for an extra second. She didn’t know what would happen once she crossed the threshold. The great unknown awaited her.

Lena opens the door and shrugs of her jacket and removes her shoes. She locks the door behind her.

Her eyes scan the apartment for Kara. She doesn’t see her in the kitchen or the living room.

There’s a rustling noise coming from the bedroom.

Lena takes measured steps she knows that Kara can hear and feel her. It’s like she’s a ship sailing at night guided by a lone light tower in the distance.

Kara’s under a heap of blankets curled on her side. Lena spots her outline which is like an oblong lump.

Lena says her name as she stands in the doorway.

Kara doesn’t react.

She takes the few steps and then sits on the edge of Kara’s bed.

She feels Kara still beside her.

“Kara.”

Kara moves the blanket away from her own face. Kara looks up at Lean with swollen red eyes. A tear leaks out. Lena catches it with her thumb. Kara doesn’t dare to move.

“Hey.”

Kara stares at Lena as if she’s waiting for her to disappear in front of her.

“Alex says you’re okay.”

Kara sniffles.

This wasn’t okay. But what was?

Lena tucks a strand of hair behind Kara’s ear.

She’s brave for them both. “Do you know how I know that it’s going to be okay?”

Kara shakes her head no.

“Because it has to be.”

Her words don’t get a verbal response.

“It’s not just that I promised myself. Do you remember the night when you told me that you would always be there for me?.”

Kara’s croaks out a yes.

“Do you mean it now?”

“Of course.”

“Then we’re going to be okay.”

Kara’s brain is going a million miles an hour. She doesn’t feel like she can keep up with Lena.

“We will have to talk about it Kara. It doesn’t have to be today. But we need to have that conversation.”

Kara moves to sit up in bed. Her knees are still draped in blankets. She rubs her face on her sleeve.

“I meant it so you know.”

Lena doesn’t say anything. Kara has her attention.

“That’s the thing about red kryptonite. Everything that’s buried deep within me, it all comes to the surface. I didn’t lie.”

“Okay.”

“I love you Lena.”

She watches her face but she can’t detect any changes.

Lena reaches for her hand. “Kara you’re not getting rid of me that easy. I love you too.”

She didn’t know in what ways Lena meant. It could be romantic or simply friendly. After the day Kara had she wasn’t capable of picking it apart

Lena was cutting her a break. That’s what Kara thought. But in a way she was doing them both a favor. This way they could have that conversation when they were both ready. They could make the situation themselves instead of being forced into it.

It all mattered. When it came to Lena and Kara there wasn’t a situation where it didn’t.

Kara wasn’t ready for it. Lena knew that as much as she wished that she was, she wasn’t quite ready either. They both needed to meet each other in the middle of it. It wasn’t about springing the truth. It was growing towards something together. The love they both shared for the other was extraordinary. It wasn’t going anywhere. They would have that conversation, just not today.

Lena points to the bed, “Can I join you?”

She sees Kara smile for the first time that day as she says yes. She pulls back the covers as Lena climbs in next to her.

Lena puts her arms around Kara, pulling her close. She wondered if it was too much. She thought that Kara would tell her if it was. And honestly it felt the most natural out of everything that had happened that day.

She feels Kara take deep breaths. She feels her all around her.

Kara hears Lena’s quiet words as she falls asleep. “I love you too Kara. I always have. I always will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than other chapters (which I hope is okay).  
> I wanted to get a chapter out leading into Thanksgiving. I know family time can be rough. Please know that there is good out there even if you don't find it in your immediate surroundings.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation.

It’s not so much that one day they make time for the conversation but rather one night they fall into it.

Lena starts talking. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much I wanted to be the person who tried. I wanted to be the person who stood up. I thought that if I could be that person then that would make me the person I needed and wanted to be.”

She has Kara’s attention.

“I believed you when you said you loved me. Both when you were under the influence and later that night. I didn’t want you to feel like you were forced or coerced to say something. I wanted us to get there on our own terms.”

She puts her hands together. She wrings out her fingers. “Kara, I loved you long before I knew how. It’s not that I know how to feel this way or know what to do. I love you like I would give you my whole heart if you asked. It scares me and I’ve wanted to tell you for god knows how long now. There hasn’t been a day where I don’t think of you or I don’t want to be with you.

“It scares me how I feel for you and I never wanted to put you in a situation. I didn’t want to force you to decide.”

Kara gives her a second. “Lena?”

“Yeah?”

“This is us having that conversation, isn’t it?”

Lena nods.

She gives Kara one more thing. “I think, I know, that whatever you say some part of me is always going to love you.”

Kara swallows over the lump in her throat. She wants to be strong like Lena.

The last thing Kara wants to do is to screw this up. “I love you as in I’m _in_ love with you.”

Kara can feel Lena’s attention on her. It’s almost like everything has led up to this very moment. It’s supercharged with meaning. They’re standing together on the precipice looking out.

Kara finds Lena’s hand. She looks to her face to gage if it was okay. Lena’s cheeks are red she smiles at Kara.

“Kara, I want this, I want us if you do.”

Kara moves closer to Lena it’s almost like they’re sharing the same breath.

“I want you Lena. I want this.”

Lena looks from Kara’s eyes to her lips back to her eyes. The third time she does Kara whispers the question. “Can I kiss you?”

Lena nods.

It’s what it takes for Kara to lean in. Lena tilts her head her eyes already closed.

It’s a soft kiss, the pressing of their lips together.

The simple act isn’t enough. They both want more. Now they’re both hungry for each other in a way that a lone kiss could not suffice.

It’s more not less.

They kiss and they kiss navigating to Kara’s couch.

They’re together in a way that they both dreamed of but prior to the moment never gave a voice to.

It’s magical in a sense that it feels dangerously good and right. It’s not that the world stopped spinning. It’s that they made it. Lena is kissing Kara and Kara is kissing Lena.

It’s better than either of them could have ever dared to imagine.

Kara is hovering over Lena. Lena has a hand on both sides of Kara’s face.

Green eyes meet blue eyes.

This. This was the moment that everyone wrote about and sung songs about.

Lena says it to Kara. “I love you.”

Kara says the words back to her. “I love you Lena.”

Kara rests her weight on Lena. She tucks her head in the spot between Lena’s head and shoulder.

A blanket is draped over them.

Lena never knew that life could feel this way, that _her_ life could be this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have literally written and rewritten this a handful of times. I hope that you all like this chapter. I know it's short. Every time I wrote something once I went to edit it I slashed and burned. My hope is that in this case less is more.   
> Thank you for reading.


	10. Chapter 10

Lena mentions it over breakfast one morning. “You know it’s okay, right? There’s no right or wrong way to have a relationship. After everything that’s happened between us, I don’t want you to feel like you have to be someone you aren’t. The only person I want you to be is the person you are. The Kara Danvers who you are comfortable being, but more importantly the Kara Danvers you want to be.”

Kara’s trembling. Lena isn’t sure how concerned she should be.

Kara stops and starts. Her mouth hangs open.

Lena sips at her coffee.

She’s blushing when she says it. “It just, it was never about that for me.”

Lena gives her a second. Her tone is gentle. “Do you want to explain what that means?”

The tips of her ears are red. “I don’t want to screw this up. You are the most wonderful person and girlfriend anyone could ask for. I don’t want to be the person to break this.”

“Kara?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you listen to me?”

She nods.

“I trust you.”

Kara waits for more. But that’s all Lena wanted her to hear.

Lena crumbles her napkin in her hand.

Kara blinks once then twice.

“There is no right way to do this.”

“Does that mean I’m not the only one who doesn’t know how to do this.”

“Yes. Kara, this only has to be different if you want it to be.”

She says the words all at once. “I love you.”

“And I love you too. But we don’t have to break ourselves over trying to create something new. I thought what we had was pretty damn special if you ask me.”

Kara agrees.

“We still can feel it out.”

“Okay.”

She says her name. “We are what we are. That doesn’t have to change. I fell in love with you Kara all while you were being yourself. I want you to see what I see when I look at you.“

Kara leans over the table so she can kiss Lena’s forehead. “Have I told you that I love you?”

Lena smiles. She watches Kara carry there plates to the sink. What they had was special. It was before they had agreed to make their relationship more than platonic 9even if it had progressed past that stage long before). But they had to communicate. They both needed to be open about it. Lena meant it when she said she trusted Kara. Lena knew that Kara trusted her too. It went both ways. They were a team. It took two to tango. And Lena didn’t want to be with anyone other than Kara. This was the woman she loved more than anything and anyone else.

“I told my therapist about us, I mean.”

Lena looks up to see Kara squinting into the distance. Her body is angled. She waits a beat. “What did she say?”

She sees Kara swallow, her throat bobbing up and down.

“You know, I didn’t know what to expect. I was scared actually. I didn’t know how she would react.” Kara takes a breath. Her eyes find Lena’s. “She smiled you know.”

“She did?”

The light made it to Kara’s eyes. “I guess I was expecting her to tell me not to be stupid. That’s not what actually happened. She asked me if I was happy.”

It was more than a question. It hung between them before Kara filled in with the rest of the words. “I never asked myself that. After everything I’ve been through, I always thought of that as a dangerous question. As if it could hurt me. I had to ask myself it. The words were foreign in a sense. People ask you if you’re okay but when’s the last time someone asked if you were happy and they really wanted to know the answer?

“So I was sitting there and my therapist was looking at me. She didn’t say anything. Her question, are you happy, was on repeat in my head. I asked myself that Lena.”

Lena takes a step towards Kara. “What was your answer?”

“I am. I mean when I really thought about it. I can’t say I knew what happiness felt like, you know? Like I’ve had instances of it surely. But when have I ever gotten the chance to sit with it? When have I ever given myself that chance?”

Lena hears herself asking her girlfriend, “Are you happy?”

She’s sure. “I’m happy Lena. I’m happy being here with you.”

Her words feel like a gift.

Kara pulls her in for a hug, her arms wrap around her. She whispers it to her. “I love you. I love you more than I knew I could.”

The love shared between them is soft. It’s not like its anything Lena’s shared with another person. She’s grateful for this. It helps to keep some of the memories and pain at bay. She can be and have this with Kara. After everything they’ve been through. They made it somehow. Lena has someone to look forward to seeing at the end of each day. Kara was still her best friend but now she also had the title of girlfriend. It wasn’tthat one was necessarily better than the other. It was that Lena got to have that with Kara. She could share that part of her life with her. She could be intimate with her in ways they couldn’t before. Actions were no longer clouded in trepidation of lines crossed. They had made it in a sense.

Lena made herself promise to let let herself have this. To have this relationship with Kara.

It was always more. Lena knew that whenever she was being honest with herself, even before they had discussed everything. In her stronger moments she would admit that it extended far back. That the moments that hurt the most were because of the feelings she had felt for Kara.

She was that person for her.

It wasn’t that she could align the twenty-six letters to paint how she felt. But she knew in a sense. And she shared that with Kara. It was the chance they had never given themselves.

It was a permission to be free. They could have it all.

Kara Danvers wasn’t anyone to Lena Luthor. She was someone. She was someone that she loved. There were no ends only beginnings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of the story folks. Thanks for making this journey with me.  
> To the person reading this I'm sending you good vibes. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this story between Kara and Lena. I know my stories can bleed together in a sense. At the end of the day I want these two characters to be together. Often the ways they do it can look similar. Sometimes I am tired of the angst and the pain. I want to give these characters the love they deserve. They've been through enough. I want to imagine a world where they could have it all. There is a purpose to the pain. For this story it's that Lena and Kara can be there for one another. They can be what the other needs and wants.  
> It's not that it's easy but that it's worth it. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading. The comments and kudos mean the world to me.


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